A Wii bit of medical advice: Try mABs

I am not going to get the Nobel Prize for this, but, I believe I have made a major scientific discovery: Wii-mABs.

Ordinarily, mABs or monoclonocal antibodies are monospecific antibodies that are identical to each other as they come from one type of immune cell that are all clones of a single parent cell. Since you can create monoclonal antibodies that specifically bind to most substances, they can then serve to detect or purify that substance. mABs are used in treatments for such diseases as rheumatoid arthritis, leukemia, and lymphoma.

So I got to thinking what I could do to help fight Wii-itis or inflammation of the elbow. I thought this would be a particularly important disease to fight given the Nintendo’s mission to turn couch potatoes into fried potatoes through the use of its motion sensitive game remote and the recent launch of its exercise-focused Wii-Fit board.

I posit that the Wii-itis or Wii elbow is a common affliction of Wii users. This injury is also common among tennis players and represents an inflammation of the elbow joint. I think it is probably under-diagnosed among Wii-ites, indicating a seriously under-treated population given the popularity of the game and a true unmet medical need.

However, upon further research, I also uncovered several other diseases associated with the Wii:

TNF-α factors, also known as, They Never Fail, which afflicts alpha males who are determined to win these games at all costs.

B cells: Small committed groups of users who try to bowl a 300 every time.

T cells: Similar to the bowlers, this group of tennis players never settles for love.

RSV proteins: These users are infected by Repeated Swinging Values caused by their single-minded desire to over and over again try to win their games.

Others have noticed a similar issue, and I would like to build on their research. In a past issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, Dr. Julio Bonis reported awakening with a sore shoulder. He was puzzled since he hadn't played any so-called sports recently, but he had played several long sessions of Wii tennis.

In the past, gamer joysticks have been known to cause arthritis, carpal tunnel syndrome, ganglion cysts and tenosynovitis.

Now, many patients can benefit from a Wii bit of exercise. The Wii console burns more calories than classic game consoles. For an average weekly use of 13 hours, 1,840 calories would be burned, that is 40 percent more than classic consoles. Plus the new Wii Fit offers ways to do yoga, balance games, aerobics and strength training.

So what is the solution: like so many sports injuries and people who suffer from such co-morbid conditions as diabetes, coronary heart disease and hypercholesterolemia, the best recommendation is changes to one’s lifestyle. In this case it is important to pursue those mABs, moderately active body breaks. In order to ensure that players get the most out of their mABs, they should actually consider reading something. Personally I am reading the new translation of War and Peace by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky, and it is fantastic.

If you don’t take my recommendation, then please note that the august British Chiropractic Association (BCA) has advised that a Wii player to take breaks every 20-20 minutes. The BCA also says that gamers should treat a 'Wii session' like any form of exercise and warm-up adequately beforehand to prevent stiffness and possible injuries." The Association has a five-point "Wii warm-up" for the shoulders, wrists, arms, neck and back that can be downloaded from its web site at www.chiropractic-uk.co.uk.

Now excuse me, I have to return to Rock Band. I believe I have nailed Blitzkrieg Bop.